You Don’t Trust Me

removing self doubtI am okay with that as after all you are correct to be naturally cautious about who you trust in life and especially when it comes to others online as you have very little way of verifying their identity.

However this can be a problem if it extends to all parts of your life.

Here is the crunch, even after we have met and spent a great time together, I would probably still not trust you, yup no matter what you do or how generous you are. In fact those acts of generosity would probably only make the situation worse…

Time to get on the couch Dr Sniffle

I did not trust the majority of those that most likely consider themselves a friend of mine. This is not their fault, they have done nothing wrong so where does this suspicion come from.

Ah Dr Sniffle, let us take you back into your formative years.

When I was in the RAF I had a great friend called John Bird, we both arrived at RAF Lyneham at the same time and spent a lot of time together, even to the point where I bought the TV and he bought the Amiga computer which we then shared. John was one of those annoyingly fantastic people who could achieve everything and anything which of course made my sub-conscious even more wary of him.

When I was posted back to the training camp, I struggled to make this trip with all of my stuff and I could have asked John to help but why would he want to help me (yes I know…). When he found out what I had put myself through and asked why I had not asked for help, he was massively disappointed by the answer.

At this point my sub-conscious was now fully in control and I told him I did not consider him a friend just someone I knew…holy cow big smack in the face!

So what was my sub-conscious up to?

I was never one of the cool gang and never excelled at sport, music or education but I did have a small group of very close friends, some of whom unfortunately did abuse our trust.

Thus from then my sub-conscious has been trying to protect me from those that would abuse this trust and it is always on high alert as  it cannot see what others see in me.

That is of course the crunch, we all know our weaknesses and failings but as to our strengths we are mostly totally clueless which is why I most likely do not trust you and present an attitude of disinterest in your direction.

I have had many mentors and this of course has affected the way we interacted after all they have my money and do they really want to see me succeed. Best I see if another mentor is going to milk me in the same way. Of course each mentor in my perception acted in the same way as that was how my sub-conscious baggage perceived the relationship.

So where does this self doubt come from and how do we go about removing it.

As I said this was not John’s problem but part of my internal conflict, that has revealed itself in many outlets.

Is it safer to remain the fat person you currently maybe whilst hijacking any attempts through eating junk to ensure we never realise our desired physique. This applies equally to our marketing activity, by keeping ourselves busy and unfocussed ensures we never make progress online and remain in the place we ‘deserve’ to be.

The scary part is when you finally map out your goals and finally challenge your sub-conscious to a fight, you know deep down this could revolutionise your life beyond all recognition and that terrifies your sub-conscious which is why it puts up such a good fight.

Stop comparing yourself to others, they like you for who and what you are.

You were born with specific inherent skills that others do not possess, perhaps they can see these in you.

If you hang around with successful people but do not engage with them fully then of course they will not consider you a friend, why would they.

Ultimately your going to have to win that fight and accept you can change you life with the help of friends that would love to see you transform into the real uninhibited you.

If you still feel that distrust when you are engaging with others, consider this.

You were born with 2 ears, 2 eyes and 1 mouth for a reason.

When in conversation with a friend or mentor, listen to what they are saying and watch how they are saying it. Are they actually seeking your participation in the discussion and do they look like they want to talk to you.

I guarantee most of the people that consider themselves your friend, talk to you because they want to.

 

Photo of igor Griffiths

So what's your excuse again?

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Comments

  1. Hi igor, that’s pretty deep mate, but of course it’s true. We do let our earlier years influence our later ones and quite often hold us back in various ways.

    It’s only by getting in the mix that we get to know people and from there we decide whether to trust them or not.

    Then there’s the various levels of trust we have to deal with but to never trust anyone would make us a very lonely person and i wouldn’t like that.

    When we have a mentor we have to trust them or what’s the point of having them? We went to that person for a reason and should remember that when getting in the mix with them.

    If in a meeting with them and we have something to say we should say it or forever more we’ll be regretting that we didn’t.

    But we must remember the golden rule to think before we speak 😉

    Take care mate,
    Barry
    Barry Wells recently posted..You Have The Passion For Working Online But What Comes NextMy Profile

  2. yes that is definately deep we all have resistance things in our subconscious that loop and cause resistance to reaching our goals or seeing things clearly.

    i think obtaining our goals is all about clearing the resistance between them and us.

    great post …
    tony taron recently posted..Success is not always a straight lineMy Profile

    1. Thanks Tony, this is why I love blogging and having the courage to hold nothing back when you create your posts. This post has released many of the demons that were lurking inside for far too long.

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