A journey of self discovery and exploration which was both scary and exciting at the same time. However even if you were able to reveal the answer to this question there still lies within you a problem.
Now it maybe a subconscious decision or it could even be a conscious one that has become subconscious.
The problem of course is that despite wherever it started this has now lead you to behave in a particular way that maybe contrary to your declared desires.
If your subconscious and conscious mind are not both sold on the idea of this desire then you are destined for a life of struggle and frustration.
Its Not Your Fault
It may not be all your fault so do not beat yourself up.
We are taught as children the religious lesson that self sacrifice is the best way to lead our lives which leads to an unfulfilled life where our desires our cast to one side whilst serving the desires of others.
As Craig Ballantyne stated, if you want to help others first you need to look after yourself. It never makes sense for a sick man to treat those that are sick so why should it make sense for an unfulfilled person to help others lead a fulfilling life.
In short, you are your number one priority.
I got divorced about a year ago and as usual the final part of the proceedings was the financial settlement.
How much value was there that could be shared between both parties.
Now this is where my conscious decision came into play, as a contractor with a desire to become a full time online business owner. I knew that making my breakthrough to success before this matter was settled would be financial and future suicide.
They would judge me on my best success during this period, regardless of how brief or how unexpected that success maybe.
Thus consciously I made the decision to prepare for success whilst ensuring there would be no breakthrough to success.
As I have already stated its all too easy and natural for this to be adopted by your subconscious as the normal way of working. Yes, I was working hard and making nearly all the right noises but subconsciously I was making sure that those noises were incomplete.
And for about a year I was very successful in this aim.
Eventually of course this matter was resolved and I received the settlement.
However even with this piece of symbolic paper in my hand, nothing really changed because I no longer remembered that my daily routine was based upon a self harming conscious decision that looked towards my new life.
I was looking after number one but only by harming number one.
Realization of this fact came to me one night whilst I was working and hence its now time to begin living again and the first step is to give myself permission to achieve what I desire.
What about you, is there a forgotten reason holding you close to or perhaps even on the pitytrain.